Tag Archives: Funny

First Gym Class


Ok so it’s not my first ever, in fact a couple years ago I use to be a regular at gym classes, the instructor knew my name (to my horror) and I would manage to squeeze them in before or after work.
But now, they scare me. It’s amazing how much confidence you can loose in such a short space of time. The things that make me anxious about these new gym classes are as follows:

– Where or which room is it held, I don’t want to be walking into the wrong place to find out its high intensity power lift?
– Will I be able to keep up with the class, or end up feeling worse then when I went in before?
– Can I handle a 360 degree angle of my flubber flying?
– Will I embarrass myself?

I’m sure many can relate to this and it’s been 5 months since I’ve been joined to this gym and only yesterday did I get the courage and motivation to actually step inside one of their gym classes and this was my experience.

So first was the class description- Cardio fitness a fun high energy class. Well this sounds OK said was for all fitness levels so I made the call and booked in.
After work I changed into my figure hugging gym clothes to make sure I would actually go and not chicken out (I find it helps to already be in gym gear).
Feeling hungry after a long day at work and a salad for lunch I browsed the isle at Tesco for a healthy snack and decided on roast chicken slices. Which I then felt too embarrassed to eat in the locker room. I mean it is a bit weird and random to be chowing on slabs on meat in there.
I found studio 1 and went in. My god there was a lot of mirrors I’m pretty sure even the ceiling was mirrored. I stared at my body in the reflection until the class started, I gazed at my newly formed rounded bits, the lines where my gym leggings cut into my stomach and how my arms and legs have lost all definition. This was not a good thing to do- please don’t do this to yourself it, destroys all motivation.
The instructor was a young fit good looking guy full of “can do ” attitude. We started with a rather vigorous warm up and this was the point I knew the next 45 mins was going to be tough. I was already out of breath.

Now most cardio classes I’ve been too either are like Zumba, aerobics, kick boxing or a mix of all of these. So this is what I expected. It was not.
This was more aligned with what you do in insanity. For people who don’t know what Insanity is think; using your own body weight, bear crawls, push ups, suicide runs etc.
I was not mentally or physically prepared for this to the point of where I got really dizzy and my eye sight went all patchy. I pushed through this for a while and then (during a short water refuel) left. Yes I left. Walked out. Abandoned ship. Did I feel good about this decision, no of course not but passing out was also not high on my to do list either.
I sat down for a couple minutes and then decided this is not the end, so hoped on a bicycle and peddled it out for another 20 mins. The dizziness soon went away and I felt proud of myself that I didn’t give up, I just changed direction.

Now I think there was a bigger lesson here to learn….

No I’m kidding.

Happy New 2016 everyone!

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No more loafing around….

It is now under 5 weeks until I hit the coast of Spain so the inevitable has to happen… I have to give up bread. 

Bread with all its toasty sandwichy goodness is a comfort food of mine and also a snack that often pushes up my daily calorie limit. I’ve given it up before and I can do it again!

I have accepted that I will not be a beach goddess, but to be just a little flatter, a little lighter and a little less bloated looking will have to do. 

Now please enjoy my memorial to the wonderful thing that is bread. 



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Super Soul Simpsons Sunday

It’s time to…



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Saving the world one chocolate bar at a time.

With the faint taste of delicious fair trade chocolate on my tongue, I sit here feeling good, satisfied, and mentally at ease. Not to worry guys, this was not a lapse in my willpower, in fact I was changing the world! Let me explain; this fair trade chocolate has moral magical powers, where it allows no weight to be gained during its consumption. But HOW you ask?? By helping small developing communities enable themselves to get a reasonable price for their chocolate, I am karmically rewarded with a zero calorie treat….


Wishful thinking? Yes. But GOD imagine if this were true!

But isn’t it interesting that food for a good cause somehow doesn’t have that bitter-sweet feeling after you’ve indulged in it, its just…sweet? This is another diet trap that has caught me out many times… The girl guide selling cookies, the school kid selling chocolate for their sports team. Similar to the time your friend made cupcakes for you, your mum made you her famous greasy Sunday roast and those chocolates your boyfriend very romantically (and rarely) bought for you…


The hardest part with these situations is that they are all done out of love, so it’s just the love handles we have to worry about.


So what do we do in these situations fatties? Because sorry Weight Watches, I am not going to politely decline a bouquet of chocolate dipped strawberries. Nope. Never.  And Jenny Craig, I’m not going to tell them “Wow that looks great, I will take some home for later”. No.No.No. THIS is the real world and in the real world, saying these things is rude and inconsiderate and makes you look like a diet-obsessed freak. Therefore, I guess we have three options:

1)      Read the situation – Can I get away with being a diet-obsessed freak?


2)      Pretend to eat it while secretly giving it to the dog/ rubbish bin.


3)      Eat it. Enjoy it. Do a bit more exercise tomorrow. Because there is no magic chocolate. There just isn’t.


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