Rehab – how did I get here?

No more running he said, no more squatting he said, no more lunges he said. Ok so….I’m trying to get bikini ready, hows this going to work?!

So I’ve had issues with my knees for the past couple years now, they basically grind, crunch and crackle like a corn-flake commercial when I walk up stairs or do squats and lunges. I have had them x-rayed, been to the doctor and asked my local physio. They all shrugged it off, told me to go easy on the squats and said crunchy knees where normal. At this point, the ripe age of 27, I was feeling kind of like this: 

I continued doing squats and also become a fan of running, which I know is high impact on your knees… but hey my knees where fine right, they were “just normal”?? 

So today I went and saw another physio and stressed to him that it was NOT OK, turns out I have Chondromalacia patella, which in English means my knees are tracking over on the wrong angle. I developed this over a series of actions/habits where I didn’t have good form.

People. Good form is SO important. Its a waste of time going hard at the gym not to get the full benefit or injure yourself! I think my injury happened from taking shortcuts and going with what felt easier. Now I have to take 12 weeks off all my go-to exercises not to mention the cost of physio!

Ok so…hmmm now what do I do. 


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When is enough, enough?

I wonder sometimes If I spent as much time as I do thinking and worrying about my weight and put that energy towards something else, like my career, social life, or creativity what amazing things I could get done? Sometimes I worry that i’m becoming obsessed with weight loss, which if I looked like a fitness model would make sense, but when there are zero to minimal results it all seems unhealthy outlook.

Then I see a picture like this and think F*ck it I want to look like that. Hand me the appetite suppressants.



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You’re not a salad

Coming to the daunting realisation that my efforts to lose weight before my trip has resulted gaining weight (how did that happen?) I decided that salads and soups are the way forward for the next 6 weeks!

Today at my favourite salad bar, I was confronted with satay noodles, beans and broccoli, potato, couscous and chickpeas. This left me asking what is a salad exactly?

The oxford dictionary defines it as:

A cold dish of various mixtures of raw or cooked vegetables, usually seasoned with oil, vinegar, or other dressing and sometimes accompanied by meat, fish, or other ingredients.

I don’t remember noodles being a vegetable do you?

It seems to be the cool thing to do these days…call anything served cold, a salad. This works for me, my brain thinks I’m sticking to my ‘only salad’s’ plan, however my waist line disagrees.

So be careful my dear fatties, just because it’s at a salad bar doesn’t mean its low calorie!


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So how many calories are in dating?

Ahhh dating. I have been meaning to do a post about this for a while, however with no one special around the words were about as stale as my love life. Not much has changed however I have been brave enough to suck it up (Literally) and go on a couple dates.

The thing with dating is you want to look good, and normally you have lost a bit of weight and so are feeling good so logically you out more and find that you attract more attention etc etc. But this is when everything can go tits up because you’re still dieting and trying to look as good naked as humanly possible… and then come the dates. A date typically is dinner and drinks. You want to appear fun and cruisey and not a weight obsessed freak, however, you can’t help but raise your eyebrows at the week’s worth of calories glaring at you on your plate. But hey (you tell yourself) it’s just this once, it’s a first date right?

Lots of people say they want to lose weight to be healthy and live longer, I don’t buy it. You want to look hot, be hot and make other people think you’re hot. [People with legit health problems, I’ll let you off this time].

So, you end your night a little light headed from the wine you don’t normally drink on Tuesday nights, and are lucky enough to get a goodnight kiss. Then the fateful words “we should do this again sometime” are uttered. Your delighted! But that inner gym coach knows what this means…

There are some that beat this curse by being “these couples”…

No sorry guys, sex-ercise doesn’t count.

But… for most of us, the motivation fades, the cosy nights begin, you are loved for your curves. So what’s the problem you ask…. This:

I’m still in the safe zone, still in the single zone… where motivation should be at an all time high…..should be…

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6 weeks to go – Sh*t just got real.

This weekend was the start of my 6 week countdown before I embark on my beach holiday adventure! I made some wise choices like sticking to the vodka and sodas instead of the wines… having a subway salad and not a pie…and then I made some…. not so great choices; like eating Indian takeaways for dinner and indulging in the nibbles at my friends house. BUT I will remain positive as tomorrow is Monday and great things start on Mondays! 

Also I ate ALL of my Indian just to make sure it wasn’t there tomorrow. Logical? Not really. Delicious, oh hell yes. 

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I can’t sleep when I’m hungry. The insomnia monster feeds again.

I don’t know how the models do it, hardly eating anything and feeling ok about being hungry. I hate and being hungry, it’s physically hard for me to sit and be hungry, let alone go to bed with a growling stomach!

I’ve tried it, the whole no carbs small snack at dinner, but then I lie in bed thinking about those noodle leftovers I have, or how good a piece of toast would be right now and I literally cannot sleep.

I know that I could fill up on vegetables, salads, proteins etc. But when you have grown up with massive carb filled dinners and told to eat EVERYTHING on your plate that is one habit that is hard to break! And let’s be honest carbs are amazing and no amount of kale is going to make up for that.

I know its wrong, I turn into a crack fiend and can’t stop myself.


When I was  successful in losing weight it was because I had cut back on my midnight snacking, so I know it needs to be done. It’s just that inner hunger reaching out from the pit of my stomach and somehow bypasses all logic and rational! It’s like be drunk with desire for just one more helping.


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My hips don’t lie…

I just came across this artical which came at a good time for me personally, when perhaps i needed a strong word of fact, when I have been kidding myself a tad with fiction! 

How to stop living and dying by the numbers on the scale:

“…Results then can either make or break the effort dial. If we see results, we’ll turn up the dial. If we don’t see results when we want to, the first thing we want to do is turn down the effort dial.

Here is what I can assure you of:

Your body and my body never lie. We can think we’re fooling ourselves. We can think we’re fooling our coach or Body Tutor.

But like every basket counts toward the final score in a basketball game, whether it’s scored in the first 25 seconds of the game or the last 25 – every thing we eat counts — even if no one sees it. Our body never lies.

Individually, each meal and snack we eat might not seem like they matter much but collectively they matter IMMENSELY. This is about the accrued power of thousands of meals and hundreds of workouts.

The amount of effort we put forth really does matter.

Whether it’s exercising for an extra five minutes or pushing through an intense moment of discomfort when we have a craving — every feeling of fatigue, and every period of discomfort we push through, really and truly makes a difference.

Results will happen. It’s not a question of if. It’s a question of when.

Our body has no choice but to work its magic when we’re eating right and exercising *consistently*!…”


The original artical can be found here:



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Why Vulnerable fat is harder to lose.

One of the things I dislike about being and feeling overweight is the fact that it publicity shows my vulnerability. It’s like my body reflects those moments of weakness, the bad choices and the gluttony that I allow myself to indulge in. The idea around being fit and strong appeals to me because it is more than a physical strength, it also reflects an inner strength and a persistence, a willpower that shows the world I can stop at one bite and I can put up a good fight at the gym.

For those of you that are familiar with Brene Browns work you will be yelling at the screen right now telling me it’s ok to be vulnerable, which in terms of weight loss is very applicable and I agree, as in order to lose weight you have to be vulnerable. It’s those moments when you step into the gym confronting a workout that you know will be tough, asking for help and support whether it’s professional or social, feeling hungry and uncomfortable and accepting that the way you have been living and treating yourself is harmful and can’t continue.

My lovely sister is brought me to the attention of Brene Brown and her work on vulnerability. I am not going to attempt to sum up her work as they are deep and profound and definitely worth a YouTube search, however there are some key aspects that really jumped out at me that I wanted to share with you.

The fear of being vulnerable: One of her main points is how we have formed a society that is scared of coming across as vulnerable, and that vulnerability is seen as a weakness of character. What’s interesting is she also talks about how being brave has been ingrained into our culture, but to be brave without vulnerability is somewhat impossible especially when you look at what the word vulnerable is defined as:

“Exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed either physically or emotionally”.

Therefore when it comes to being brave how can you NOT be vulnerable? Brown talks about how being courageous without this emotional exposure ends up resulting in plain bravado or “fake bravery”, and this fake bravery is one of the things wrong with our society today.

To really confront issues of emotional eating and self image anxiety, I believe it takes a lot of this true bravery. To show up at a Weight Watchers meeting or gym class, demonstrates not only your vulnerability but also your courageousness in confronting doing something about it. Everyone is different in their strengths, some may not have any issues with running in public (hats off to you), and some may struggle to share their body with someone else, have fear of eating in public, being in public, clothes shopping etc. The weight loss journey is a very personal one, and an honest one. If you do not allow yourself to be open and raw with your emotions then I believe you will find yourself going around in circles.

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