Category Archives: Weight loss

The turkey, the dessert, the aftermath.

Dear Fatties,

First of all Merry Christmas, hope you all put your dieting (or attempts at) behind you on this festive day, I know I sure did.

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Secondly sorry for being so but of touch this past year, I’ve been busy. Busy gaining another few kilos. its been great, I’ve dined and drunk nights away, carefree and happy… until one day… that moment you realise you fat jeans no longer fit, and your back fat has more rolls then your Christmas dinner table and cheekbones have become somewhat buried and are ready for excavation.

Over this past year I have gone into some sort of denial over my weight gain, playing the blame game…

 

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And as much as I joke I am deeply disappointed in myself about not only reaching my maximum weight but then belly flopping over it. I am at my heaviest I’ve ever been and motivation has been at an all time low. Most of this is due to finding myself in a wonderful relationship with a lovely man who loves my curves no matter where they are . But again, I can’t blame him, he isn’t the one forcing food into my mouth… well there was that one time with chocolate covered strawberries… anyway….

I need to get back into routines I had before I moved to London, going to the gym, salads, saying no to ordering pizza and being prepared!

My real push for this new found interest in losing this excess weight is that I’m going back home after 1.5 years for a two week summer holiday in 8 weeks! 8 WEEKS. I don’t want to go home a fattie! I really don’t, so I have 8 weeks to lose a 5 kilos. I would love to put it at more, but a girls gotta eat and I want this to be a long term thing. Is 5 kilos in 8 weeks to much? Or is it enough? Can I do it?? …Watch this space….

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So how many calories are in dating?

Ahhh dating. I have been meaning to do a post about this for a while, however with no one special around the words were about as stale as my love life. Not much has changed however I have been brave enough to suck it up (Literally) and go on a couple dates.

The thing with dating is you want to look good, and normally you have lost a bit of weight and so are feeling good so logically you out more and find that you attract more attention etc etc. But this is when everything can go tits up because you’re still dieting and trying to look as good naked as humanly possible… and then come the dates. A date typically is dinner and drinks. You want to appear fun and cruisey and not a weight obsessed freak, however, you can’t help but raise your eyebrows at the week’s worth of calories glaring at you on your plate. But hey (you tell yourself) it’s just this once, it’s a first date right?

Lots of people say they want to lose weight to be healthy and live longer, I don’t buy it. You want to look hot, be hot and make other people think you’re hot. [People with legit health problems, I’ll let you off this time].

So, you end your night a little light headed from the wine you don’t normally drink on Tuesday nights, and are lucky enough to get a goodnight kiss. Then the fateful words “we should do this again sometime” are uttered. Your delighted! But that inner gym coach knows what this means…

There are some that beat this curse by being “these couples”…

No sorry guys, sex-ercise doesn’t count.

But… for most of us, the motivation fades, the cosy nights begin, you are loved for your curves. So what’s the problem you ask…. This:

I’m still in the safe zone, still in the single zone… where motivation should be at an all time high…..should be…

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I can’t sleep when I’m hungry. The insomnia monster feeds again.

I don’t know how the models do it, hardly eating anything and feeling ok about being hungry. I hate and being hungry, it’s physically hard for me to sit and be hungry, let alone go to bed with a growling stomach!

I’ve tried it, the whole no carbs small snack at dinner, but then I lie in bed thinking about those noodle leftovers I have, or how good a piece of toast would be right now and I literally cannot sleep.

I know that I could fill up on vegetables, salads, proteins etc. But when you have grown up with massive carb filled dinners and told to eat EVERYTHING on your plate that is one habit that is hard to break! And let’s be honest carbs are amazing and no amount of kale is going to make up for that.

I know its wrong, I turn into a crack fiend and can’t stop myself.

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When I was  successful in losing weight it was because I had cut back on my midnight snacking, so I know it needs to be done. It’s just that inner hunger reaching out from the pit of my stomach and somehow bypasses all logic and rational! It’s like be drunk with desire for just one more helping.

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Why Vulnerable fat is harder to lose.

One of the things I dislike about being and feeling overweight is the fact that it publicity shows my vulnerability. It’s like my body reflects those moments of weakness, the bad choices and the gluttony that I allow myself to indulge in. The idea around being fit and strong appeals to me because it is more than a physical strength, it also reflects an inner strength and a persistence, a willpower that shows the world I can stop at one bite and I can put up a good fight at the gym.

For those of you that are familiar with Brene Browns work you will be yelling at the screen right now telling me it’s ok to be vulnerable, which in terms of weight loss is very applicable and I agree, as in order to lose weight you have to be vulnerable. It’s those moments when you step into the gym confronting a workout that you know will be tough, asking for help and support whether it’s professional or social, feeling hungry and uncomfortable and accepting that the way you have been living and treating yourself is harmful and can’t continue.

My lovely sister is brought me to the attention of Brene Brown and her work on vulnerability. I am not going to attempt to sum up her work as they are deep and profound and definitely worth a YouTube search, however there are some key aspects that really jumped out at me that I wanted to share with you.

The fear of being vulnerable: One of her main points is how we have formed a society that is scared of coming across as vulnerable, and that vulnerability is seen as a weakness of character. What’s interesting is she also talks about how being brave has been ingrained into our culture, but to be brave without vulnerability is somewhat impossible especially when you look at what the word vulnerable is defined as:

“Exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed either physically or emotionally”.

Therefore when it comes to being brave how can you NOT be vulnerable? Brown talks about how being courageous without this emotional exposure ends up resulting in plain bravado or “fake bravery”, and this fake bravery is one of the things wrong with our society today.

To really confront issues of emotional eating and self image anxiety, I believe it takes a lot of this true bravery. To show up at a Weight Watchers meeting or gym class, demonstrates not only your vulnerability but also your courageousness in confronting doing something about it. Everyone is different in their strengths, some may not have any issues with running in public (hats off to you), and some may struggle to share their body with someone else, have fear of eating in public, being in public, clothes shopping etc. The weight loss journey is a very personal one, and an honest one. If you do not allow yourself to be open and raw with your emotions then I believe you will find yourself going around in circles.

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Fatties you deserve the truth!

As we all strive to the best we can be, I think it’s important that we once again take a look at the media’s role in how we look at ourselves and how attainable our goals really are.

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If your like me, you look for motivation anywhere you can get it, and sometimes the hang in there kitty posters just aren’t enough. So where do we fatties turn….Television!… The Biggest Loser is one prime example that I know first hand has helped people get through their weight loss hurdles. However, if you have seen one of the more resent outcomes you might start to think differently about what goes on behind closed doors…

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Ammm its it just me or does that look unhealthy??

The following are quotes taken from bodylovewellness.com blog, who had a phone interview with a older contestant Kai Hibbard. This is just to give you a snap shot of what is really happening on these shows. The weight loss these people experience is not healthy, realistic or sustainable!

” … From seeing her fellow contestants forced to workout with injuries against doctor’s orders, to the extreme dehydration prior to weigh-ins, to the resultant eating disorder that Kai still is working to heal, the story she told was nothing like the fantasy that the Biggest Loser seeks to promote…”

 Kai on the audition process: … “You get poked and prodded by complete strangers and nobody will tell you a single thing about what’s going on.  And that point was where I really believe that the dehumanization process started, where they start teaching you that because you are overweight you are sub-human and you just start to believe it….”

 

The meaning of a “week”:  “On the Biggest Loser it varied.  “It went from 14 days and I believe that near the end we had one week that was 5 days.”

 

Kai on The Biggest Loser’s diet and exercise program: “We were working out anywhere between 2 and 5 hours a day, and we were working out severely injured… my feet were bleeding, I was covered in bruises, I was beat up, but boy, I kept hearing about how lucky I was to be there….

…There was a registered dietitian that was supposed to be helping [the contestants at the ranch] as well . . . but every time she tried to give us advice . . . the crew or production would step in and tell us that we were not to listen to anybody except our trainers.”

 

On the show’s low-calorie diet and her subsequent eating disorder: “So I got to a point where I was only eating about 1,000 calories a day and I was working out between 5 and 8 hours a day. . . .  And my hair started to fall out.  I was covered in bruises.  I had dark circles under my eyes.  Not to get too completely graphic, but my period stopped altogether and I was only sleeping 3 hours a night.  I tried to tell the T.V. show about it and I was told, ‘save it for the camera…my major food groups were water, black coffee and splenda.  I got to the point that when I was nervous or upset I was literally vomiting my food up.

…My husband says I’m still afraid of food. . . . I’m still pretty messed up from the show. 

I didn’t lose 12 pounds in a week. It didn’t happen.  It wasn’t a week.  And even when it looks like I lost 12 pounds in a week . . . I was so severely dehydrated that I was completely unhealthy.”

I realise this isn’t breaking news, It’s a good lesson to learn about the media what you see is not what you get! So please fatties don’t beat your self up if you don’t loose fat as quickly as them!

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The magnificent empowering vegetable

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Popeye hit the nail on the head. Vegetables are amazing. Not only are they low calorie but they taste good too, they give you energy and all the right goodies to keep you going, but this isn’t breaking news right?

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In recent weeks I had some how forgotten how great vegetables really were and was seduced by cheese, toast, beer and other dastardly things.

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But these past few days I’ve said no. I can’t keep doing this anymore, it’s not healthy, I’m sorry, Its not you its me.

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And I’m happy to tell you fatties, (don’t forget I only mean that affectionately) I feel better already. Now, I’m not trying to claim that my whole entire system has cleansed itself, but my attitude has shifted back to one of dedication and steely-eyed determination. This is what I call empowerment, when you know what is good for you and you go for it. Because ain’t nobody found success by sitting on their ass all day long wishing away their life with their shoulda, woulda, coulda’s.

The amazing magical thing with food, is that there are options if you don’t want to go hungry…

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Make an epic salad, pile on those veges, choose high protein foods that fill you up and make it delicious. There are literally thousands of recipes and ideas out there, and take it from me, an ex-vegetarian, vegetables can taste amazing. Because at the end of the day….

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So fatties, lets make a deal, these next few weeks in the face of free donuts, potato chips, and taking the easy way out, we say:

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A wide angle

This weekend, at a friend’s birthday, they thought it was a great idea to film some of the evening… The next morning I got a facebook notification that said I had been tagged in a video…. Filled with curiosity and dread I watched it. The entire video was shot from a low angle, which you all should all know is the most fat-accentuating angle possible!

I remember when I left the house I was on Ron Burgundy’s wave length….

ImageBut then watching this video, I pretty much picked all my fat bits apart to the point of no return.

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This my friends this is what you call body dysmorphia. Which is more accurately seen in this scenario:

To everybody I look more like this:

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But I think I look and feel like this:

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If you are someone that suffers from this disorder, which can be life threatening or just confidence destroying, then you might also find that one minute you can think you look ok and then the next minute like the most ugly creature on the planet.

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What I find the hardest about having this “disorder” is that I really don’t know where I stand. Because I swear my weight can fluctuate by about 10-20 kilos in a matter of minutes and I know its all in my head but that doesn’t make it any less real of an emotion or belief.

So what can we do about this form of self sabotage? I welcome your suggestions!

1) Learn to trust what others say about you, and just say “thank you” to a compliment rather then shoot it down.

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2) Talk to a therapist about it, they know their stuff.

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3) and finally say NO to low angle filming/photography, its just cruel.

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How dish-washing liquid increases weight loss.

We are all friends here right? We can admit to being guilty of this before…

Well I can, ashamedly more than once.

Miranda Hobbs came up with the best solution to this problem. Which I have used time and time again. Cover your food in dish-washing liquid, then you have satisfactory destroyed any hope of it tasting good again.

So simple, yet so effective. (other editable substitutes do not apply).

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Motivation- just put it straight into my veins.

I’m not going to lie to you good people, my diet hasn’t been best of late. In fact last night I had so many chocolate biscuits at work (they were FREE!) I decided that would be my dinner. Then I got home… and ate a second dinner. But I needed to eat some vegetables right? 5 plus a day?…Do mushrooms still count if they are covered in cheese….?

For the past few weeks this has pretty much been my approach to dieting:

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and the idea of exercise has been more along these lines:

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I think its time to press the reset button. This is the time when I go through my cupboards and throw all the bad food that has crept back in over time (when I say throw out, I mean eat it all so its all gone and I feel satisfactorily sick).

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Other tasks, whilst resetting my unravelled self, include: Making a new gym playlist of music, googling more weight loss supplements and detoxes that I’ll never buy and create (yet another) tick off/sticker chart system. Last but not least, I shall dig deep within myself and convince myself that YES I can do this!

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