Category Archives: comedy

First Gym Class


Ok so it’s not my first ever, in fact a couple years ago I use to be a regular at gym classes, the instructor knew my name (to my horror) and I would manage to squeeze them in before or after work.
But now, they scare me. It’s amazing how much confidence you can loose in such a short space of time. The things that make me anxious about these new gym classes are as follows:

– Where or which room is it held, I don’t want to be walking into the wrong place to find out its high intensity power lift?
– Will I be able to keep up with the class, or end up feeling worse then when I went in before?
– Can I handle a 360 degree angle of my flubber flying?
– Will I embarrass myself?

I’m sure many can relate to this and it’s been 5 months since I’ve been joined to this gym and only yesterday did I get the courage and motivation to actually step inside one of their gym classes and this was my experience.

So first was the class description- Cardio fitness a fun high energy class. Well this sounds OK said was for all fitness levels so I made the call and booked in.
After work I changed into my figure hugging gym clothes to make sure I would actually go and not chicken out (I find it helps to already be in gym gear).
Feeling hungry after a long day at work and a salad for lunch I browsed the isle at Tesco for a healthy snack and decided on roast chicken slices. Which I then felt too embarrassed to eat in the locker room. I mean it is a bit weird and random to be chowing on slabs on meat in there.
I found studio 1 and went in. My god there was a lot of mirrors I’m pretty sure even the ceiling was mirrored. I stared at my body in the reflection until the class started, I gazed at my newly formed rounded bits, the lines where my gym leggings cut into my stomach and how my arms and legs have lost all definition. This was not a good thing to do- please don’t do this to yourself it, destroys all motivation.
The instructor was a young fit good looking guy full of “can do ” attitude. We started with a rather vigorous warm up and this was the point I knew the next 45 mins was going to be tough. I was already out of breath.

Now most cardio classes I’ve been too either are like Zumba, aerobics, kick boxing or a mix of all of these. So this is what I expected. It was not.
This was more aligned with what you do in insanity. For people who don’t know what Insanity is think; using your own body weight, bear crawls, push ups, suicide runs etc.
I was not mentally or physically prepared for this to the point of where I got really dizzy and my eye sight went all patchy. I pushed through this for a while and then (during a short water refuel) left. Yes I left. Walked out. Abandoned ship. Did I feel good about this decision, no of course not but passing out was also not high on my to do list either.
I sat down for a couple minutes and then decided this is not the end, so hoped on a bicycle and peddled it out for another 20 mins. The dizziness soon went away and I felt proud of myself that I didn’t give up, I just changed direction.

Now I think there was a bigger lesson here to learn….

No I’m kidding.

Happy New 2016 everyone!

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The turkey, the dessert, the aftermath.

Dear Fatties,

First of all Merry Christmas, hope you all put your dieting (or attempts at) behind you on this festive day, I know I sure did.



Secondly sorry for being so but of touch this past year, I’ve been busy. Busy gaining another few kilos. its been great, I’ve dined and drunk nights away, carefree and happy… until one day… that moment you realise you fat jeans no longer fit, and your back fat has more rolls then your Christmas dinner table and cheekbones have become somewhat buried and are ready for excavation.

Over this past year I have gone into some sort of denial over my weight gain, playing the blame game…




And as much as I joke I am deeply disappointed in myself about not only reaching my maximum weight but then belly flopping over it. I am at my heaviest I’ve ever been and motivation has been at an all time low. Most of this is due to finding myself in a wonderful relationship with a lovely man who loves my curves no matter where they are . But again, I can’t blame him, he isn’t the one forcing food into my mouth… well there was that one time with chocolate covered strawberries… anyway….

I need to get back into routines I had before I moved to London, going to the gym, salads, saying no to ordering pizza and being prepared!

My real push for this new found interest in losing this excess weight is that I’m going back home after 1.5 years for a two week summer holiday in 8 weeks! 8 WEEKS. I don’t want to go home a fattie! I really don’t, so I have 8 weeks to lose a 5 kilos. I would love to put it at more, but a girls gotta eat and I want this to be a long term thing. Is 5 kilos in 8 weeks to much? Or is it enough? Can I do it?? …Watch this space….