It’s time to…
This weekend, at a friend’s birthday, they thought it was a great idea to film some of the evening… The next morning I got a facebook notification that said I had been tagged in a video…. Filled with curiosity and dread I watched it. The entire video was shot from a low angle, which you all should all know is the most fat-accentuating angle possible!
I remember when I left the house I was on Ron Burgundy’s wave length….
This my friends this is what you call body dysmorphia. Which is more accurately seen in this scenario:
To everybody I look more like this:
But I think I look and feel like this:
If you are someone that suffers from this disorder, which can be life threatening or just confidence destroying, then you might also find that one minute you can think you look ok and then the next minute like the most ugly creature on the planet.
What I find the hardest about having this “disorder” is that I really don’t know where I stand. Because I swear my weight can fluctuate by about 10-20 kilos in a matter of minutes and I know its all in my head but that doesn’t make it any less real of an emotion or belief.
So what can we do about this form of self sabotage? I welcome your suggestions!
1) Learn to trust what others say about you, and just say “thank you” to a compliment rather then shoot it down.
2) Talk to a therapist about it, they know their stuff.
3) and finally say NO to low angle filming/photography, its just cruel.
You may have noticed that I’m not the most determined at the moment. Part of me thinks I just got fed up with the no thank you’s and the counting calories and the getting up early to work out and just needed a break. But that doesn’t mean I gave up completely so everyday is pretty much like this:
And then my brain converts to this frame of mind…
But you know what they say, it’s all a journey and success is never a straight line… nope in my case it’s a spaghetti and cheese shaped line. But in this dip of motivation I’ve learnt a few things, one being that I’m a stress eater.
I haven’t been truly stressed for a while so in my past year of self discovery it slipped through the cracks…. And then it hit. The hunger pangs, the bottomless pit of a stomach, the comfort knowing at the end of the day I have something yummy to look forward to.
I knew that I was an emotional eater, I eat when I’m sad, when I bored, when I’m lonely. But being stressed and anxious is a new one. (yay yet another thing to work on). It wasn’t until talking to my recently buffed up flatmate who measures out every meal/ protein shake to the milligram, that I truly saw this new affliction for what it was… an EXCUSE. Everything that was coming out of mouth was an excuse…. “oh it’s been hard lately because of all the birthday parties, then I get drunk and end up eating late night takeaways”…. The way I describe this situation one would think Ronald McDonald himself was force feeding me burgers at 3am in the morning.
Or I would say “But they keep offering me free cake and biscuits at work”, “I have a lot to do at work so I don’t want to go to gym before work or else then I’ll be tired”. You name it I have an excuse for it, and the worst part is that I’m very convincing not just to myself but to the people around me and they start agreeing with me!
Oh god I think it’s time for Dr Phil.
“Only skinny people do marathons”… this my friends is a myth, a lie! How do I know this? Well two years ago I somehow motivated myself to do a half marathon (that’s 21km…just saying…aka a freaking long way). I was surprised at the variation of body types that were there! There was young, old, short tall, toned, tubby you name it. Many people use these marathons, whether it be the full, half, quarter or the fun runs, as personal goal posts for their own weight loss journeys, their health journeys, fundraising for charity etc.
The great thing about being a plumper runner is that you are always being cheered on!
The downside of course is the chaffing, the sweating, the clothes riding up into unimaginable places, and the catching yourself in a reflection and thinking Oh god, do I really look like that?. But don’t give up fatties! Take it from me, someone that loathed running and now is getting people calling me “A Runner”? (How did this happen?) slow and steady wins the race!
I think the problem with exercises like running is that a lot of overweight people are embarrassed to go out in public, fearful of other people’s judgments. Well, take it from me when I see a fattie running, I just give them a mental high five. What I would recommend if you are worried is going to a park, running circuit/trail or a gym, where people go specifically to exercise therefore surrounding yourself with likeminded people. In terms of worrying if people are staring at you…bitch please. I’m busy fixating on the super toned girl that I would give my weight in gold to be like. I couldn’t care less about another fattie trying to lose weight. I have to face that situation everyday!
Ahhh yes the infamous thigh gap which is unattainable for most women and teenage girls, yet has become the obsession for many. I don’t know what angers me the most about these images, the fact that they are producing such false ideas of females bodies or the shoddy photo-shopping work that is able to be published!
We are all friends here right? We can admit to being guilty of this before…
Well I can, ashamedly more than once.
Miranda Hobbs came up with the best solution to this problem. Which I have used time and time again. Cover your food in dish-washing liquid, then you have satisfactory destroyed any hope of it tasting good again.
So simple, yet so effective. (other editable substitutes do not apply).